


Something to Be Scared of...

by EndoratheWitch



Series: Gotham Holidays [21]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Batman: The Dark Prince Charming (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Crimes & Criminals, Disguise, Explosions, F/M, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Identity Reveal, Joker Venom (DCU), Oral Sex, Scarecrow's Fear Toxin (DCU), Shameless Smut, Trick or Treat: Trick, nonabusive Joker and Harley Quinn, terrible ideas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:21:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27316189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Joker comes up with a Halloween trick.
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel
Series: Gotham Holidays [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/603136
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27





	Something to Be Scared of...

Harley woke to the sound of Joker singing. 

Smiling, she rolled over onto her side and rubbed her eyes. She could also smell the scent of coffee, toasted bread, and eggs. 

“She's a very kinky girl, 

The kind you don't take home to mother 

She will never let your spirits down, 

Once you get her off the street.” 

Harley sat up and giggled, running her fingers through her hair. She was naked and the chilly air of their bedroom made her shiver. Yawning and shivering at the same time, Harley stood and headed to the bathroom. When she came back out, she had thrown on a pair of black capri sweats, an oversized pink sweater, a pair of thick green winter socks, her hair combed out and her face freshly washed. She stepped out of the bedroom and stopped dead in her tracks. 

Joker was still singing, in the kitchen making breakfast--which wasn’t something he did often--but this morning he was wearing a pair of his purple and black pinstripe slacks, barefoot, a white, sleeveless t-shirt, green and orange suspenders, and his hair hadn’t been combed either, which resulted in a messy, sexy chaos of curls on his head. 

She stood where she was to watch him as he continued to sing. He was wiggling his narrow hips back and forward while he worked at the oven, his voice ringing out in mellifluous tones. 

“She likes the boys in the band, 

She says that I'm her all time favorite 

When I make my move to her room, 

It's the right time, she's never hard to please.” 

Harley felt a burst of erotic heat race through her body at the sight of her husband. The lust she felt erupted hot and fast, racing right down between her legs causing her to press her thighs together. Joker picked up the skillet and Harley watched as he scooped eggs onto two plates that already held buttered toast on them, spoonfuls of jam and two forks. He picked the plates up and turned around. 

“That girl is pretty wild now 

The girl's a super freak…” 

His voice trailed off when he saw Harley standing in the doorway of their bedroom watching him. “Hey pumpkin! I made breakfast!” Joker announced with a wide grin before he headed over to her completely oblivious to the lustful gaze Harley was giving him. When he approached the plates with their breakfast in his hands, he stopped in front of her with a smile. “You hungry…” he started to ask only to have Harley drop to her knees in front of him. She deftly unclipped the suspenders on his slacks, then yanked them open a second before hauling his slacks and boxers down to his ankles. 

Joker yelped in surprise, trying not to drop the plates. 

Harley dragged her teeth over her bottom lip, her eyes dancing with pleasure at the sight of him. Slowly she ran her hands over his hips and up along his stomach, watching with a mischievous smile as he hardened to become erect. 

“Uh...Harley? What are you doing?” Joker looked down at her while holding the plates up. “Not that I mind whatever it is, of course.” 

“What does it look like I”m doing?” she asked without looking up at him, her attention on his shaft and how much she wanted his cock in her mouth. She leaned close and slowly used her tongue to trace and caress the skin around his shaft, kissing, followed by soft nibbles along the lower edges of his stomach, then lower, caressing the base of his erection with her tongue while brushing her cheek against his shaft. 

Joker’s eyes rolled and his knees wobbled for a moment as he let out a long, low groan. “Harls…” He took a breath. “Can I put the plates down?” 

Harley giggled softly as she started to kiss her way along the side of his erection. “Nope--think of it as a test of skill…” Her voice was a low whisper, her warm breath brushing against his shaft where she had left a damp trail of kisses and licks that only made him shudder again, causing the forks to clink against the plates that threatened to fall. 

Pleading, Joker trembled. “Harley please…” 

Her only answer was to giggle just before sliding him into her mouth. 

Joker hissed, jerking while he struggled to hold onto the plates of food, looking down at Harley. The sight of her on her knees in front of him, his cock in her mouth and looking up at him with the biggest, bluest eyes caused him to shudder again. Her mouth felt so good! 

She smiled around his penis and slowly began to bob her head, slowly taking enough of him into her mouth that he knew he must be touching the back of her throat, then just as slowly pulling back, her lips pressed down on him, coating him with her saliva. 

She continued pressing her lips and wiggling her tongue against him, forcing him to tighten his grip on the plates; the forks rattled and clanked louder. 

God, she made his knees weak he thought as he struggled to hold onto their breakfast. 

Watching her bob her head slowly, feeling himself inside the warmth of her mouth, her teeth teasingly brushing against him, her tongue swirling and pressing against his shaft with that slick wetness had his eyes crossing. 

“Uhh...Harley…” He adjusted his hold on the plates, but it was difficult to stand and hold them. 

Harley giggled looking up, wrapping a hand around him while she pulled her lips tight against him. She held his erection in her hand while reaching around with her other hand to squeeze his ass. She began to slowly, agonizingly, trace the head of his erection with her tongue. 

He watched her, barely able to take a breath, his arms shaking a little with the plates. He groaned and jerked again. Her mouth felt so exquisite. 

Harley took her time, enjoying the warm, soft feel of his skin against her lips and tongue, the smoothness that was the head of his erection. She flicked her tongue across the head of his erection and smiled when she tasted his building excitement. When Joker groaned loudly, Harley grinned a little wider and sucked his entire length into her mouth enjoying the way he felt combined with the sounds of pleasure her lover was making. She loved doing this, loved the feel of him, the taste of him. She loved everything about her Joker. 

Moaning around him in her own excitement to bring her to climax, sending vibrations up through his entire body, Harley sucked a little more firmly, deeper, bobbing her head quickly before she stopped, then slowled to suck and lick, wiggling her tongue back and forth against his sensitive skin. 

Her constant change in speed and force was driving him nuts! Joker jerked, his hips thrusting forward a little. At the same time he was fighting the urge to thrust, worried that he might drop the dishes. “Damn it Harley….” 

She giggled, continuing to suck on him, feeling him swell a little more, becoming slightly stiffer in her mouth, and she could feel the trembling of his legs. His breath became more ragged, his moans deeper and louder, while the forks kept jingling on the plate, the sound becoming a little more erratic and frantic. Squeezing his ass again, the fingers of her other hand wrapped around him, she stroked up and down as she focused the attention of her lips and tongue on the head of his erection. She sucked and licked, rubbing him against her lips before she sucked him into mouth again, taking him all the way to the back of her throat. 

That was one movement, one suck too many, Joker jerked again and let out a deep, long groan as he came, the forks rattled loudly as his knees wobbled. Harley groaned and sucked a little harder, swallowing his pleasure until Joker was begging. 

“Harley stop!! Please…I’m going to drop these goddamn plates!!” 

Harley giggled and sat back on her heels, smiling up at him. “Good morning.” 

Joker looked down at her smirking and took a deep, steadying breath. “Your eggs are cold now.” 

“And that’s why man invented the microwave.” Harley snicked, slowly rising to her feet again, dragging her hands up his body. Once she was standing again Harley rubbed her nose against his and whispered. “I’ll go brush my teeth again.” 

She turned and walked back into the bathroom while Joker frowned, standing there holding the two plates. He looked down at his pants which were around his ankles, then back the way Harley had gone. 

“Uh Harls? I can’t move...” 

* 

They were sitting at the table eating the warmed up eggs and toast, watching cartoons on their TV when they heard a knock at their apartment door. Harley frowned and glanced at Joker who shrugged, his mouth full of eggs. 

Harley sighed and stood, heading over to the door. She opened it, expecting to yell at one of the henchmen, but to her surprise it was Bob. Today Bob was dressed in a rainbow leotard and a very fluffy pink tutu. His bald head was particularly shiny today Harley noticed, which meant it must have been waxing day this morning. 

Bob smiled, his computer in his hand. He gestured with the computer at Harley. 

“Oh, did you find something interesting?” Harley asked stepping aside to let Bob into their private rooms. Bob nodded as he stepped in, a smile on his broad face. 

Joker grinned and waved with his fork. “Hey Bob! Ooh, the head looks nice and shiny today!” 

Bob grinned as he strolled over to the small kitchen table. Joker stood and pulled a chair out for the big man. Bob sat and placed his computer on the table. 

Joker sat back down. “Surfing the twitter I see. Anything fun happening in Gotham City?” 

Bob turned his computer screen to face Joker as Harley came back over, moving her chair next to Joker’s so she could look at the computer, her chin resting on Joker’s shoulder. 

“So whatcha find?” she asked with a grin. 

Bob started to scroll through the feed and point at different tweets. Part of Bob’s job was to surf the web, Gotham City’s facebook and twitter, society pages, instagrams--anything that would have a list of events happening throughout Gotham. If anything interesting came up, he would bring it to the clowns’ attention so they could decide if they were going to be committing any fun and spectacular crimes in the coming weeks. 

Bob slowly scrolled while Joker and Harley inspected the items he was pointing out. Halloween was at the end of the week; they had both been hoping for something fun to do. 

Joker frowned, sucking on his teeth while he gazed over the events. “No...another Bruce Wayne party. Boring.” 

“The museum is having an event…” Harley pointed, but Joker shook his head. “See Harls, all ages, means there will be kids there.” 

“So, no…” She nodded frowning. “There isn’t a lot going on is there?” 

“Just the same old-same old parties…”Joker frowned. “Guess we’re staying in this week…” He muttered then gasped. “STOP!!” 

Bob’s finger hovered over the computer’s mousepad. “Scroll back…” Joker motioned at the computer. Bob scrolled slowly back until Joker yelled with excitement. “THERE!” 

Harley leaned forward over his shoulder, her nose wrinkled as she tried to figure out which twit her puddin was focused on. “That one right there Harls…” Joker snickered as Harley read out loud. 

“Since Halloween is a tough time for some of you there will B 3 meetings for the GCVSG at the YMCA in Coventry at 8.” 

Harley frowned. “What’s that?” 

“I don’t know…” Joker leaned forward. “What is that Bob?” He gestured toward the screen. 

Bob quickly typed the acronym into a separate search window; immediately a few links popped up. Bob clicked on the first one. 

Joker leaned forward and read the results. His eyes widened and he pressed his lips together for a moment, before he read aloud. “GCVSG stands for Gotham Costume Victims Support Group,” he said while struggling not to laugh. 

Harley frowned glancing sideways at Joker. “Costume Victims Support Group?” 

Joker grinned at her with a nod. “They are people who are victims of people like us, bad guys who wear costumes.” 

Her eyes widening in understanding, Harley whispered. “Oooohhh…” 

“Harley, I’ve just had the bestest Halloween idea…” Joker sat up straight, accidently bouncing her from his shoulder. 

Harley made a sour face, rubbing her chin. “What?” 

“We are going to dress up…” he murmured, his eyes wide and sparkling with delight at the idea he was forming. “...like normal people.” 

Harley still looked confused. “What? Why?” 

Joker giggled bouncing in his seat a little. “We are going to be victims…” He turned in his seat to look at her, clearly excited. “We can pretend to be victims of that beautiful--but mischievous pair--Joker and Harley!! We go to those meetings, and then on the last one--which according to the calendar...” Joker looked back at the computer screen to the calendar on the victim’s website so that Joker could double check what he had thought he saw… 

“Yes!! The last meeting is on Halloween!! That’s when we reveal ourselves!! It will be epic!!” Joker was grinning his maniacal grin, the one he always got when he was delighted with a plan. 

“Can you imagine the chaos?!” He exclaimed in awe, his blue eyes shining. 

“Yeah, but will there be candy?” Harley asked as if the availability of candy was all-important to this venture. 

Joker frowned for a moment before he muttered. “Well, if there isn’t any Harls, we’ll bring our own.” 

Harley didn’t look pleased by this, but nodded. “Okay, but a victims support group?” 

“Imagine it pumpkin: the night of Halloween, they are all gathered together, strength in numbers, to fight their fear. Then...BOOM!! Their greatest fears appear right in front of them!!” Joker used his hands to mimic explosions by spreading his fingers out wide. “It’ll be hilarious!! Best scare we’ve done in ages!!” 

Harley giggled, tilting her head in thought. “I can see where that could be fun...Immersion therapy gone so wrong! Oh, maybe we should invite Eddie and Quelle?” 

Joker wrinkled his nose as if he smelled something awful. “Why?” 

“Because it’s for victims of costumed villains, not just us. Besides...” She smiled. “If we invite Eddie...OH and maybe Johnathan too, that would really scare them! A room filled with Batman’s most notorious villains…” She giggled and looked earnestly at Joker. “It would be like our own Halloween Party too!” 

Joker frowned in thought, his eyes narrowed before he smiled slowly. “I could wear my Riddler hat one night…” 

Harley snickered. “You mean the one you bought online?” 

Nodding, Joker grinned. “Eddie doesn’t know I have it, remember?” 

Snickering Harley shook her head. “You are so bad.” 

Fluttering his eyelashes while bringing his hands up to pose them with his fingers under his chin, Joker grinned. “That’s one of the reasons you love me though.” 

“It is.” Harley agreed with a giggle, leaning over to kiss him. 

* 

Joker frowned at his reflection in the mirror. He wore a plain, dull blue, long sleeved shirt that made his eyes look bluer, but other than that the shirt was boring. Painfully boring, he thought with a sigh. He had the first couple of buttons undone, a white t-shirt underneath, just slightly visible, and, on top of everything else, he was wearing a pair of khaki pants. He hadn’t bothered with the makeup for his face yet--which was supposed to provide him with a boring skin color--or the wig to cover his hair. He was beginning to think this wasn’t as good an idea as it had sounded yesterday, wearing a wig and makeup to look so...boring? Normal! He shuddered, but then smiled a little. At least he’d still look better than Eddie or Johnathan, who they would be meeting before heading over to the YMCA. 

He examined himself once more before he shuddered again, but his attention was drawn to Harley who walked out of the bathroom wearing only her bra and underwear, a boring off-white bra with a pair of dull, white women’s briefs to go with the boring outfit she was going to be wearing tonight. When she came out of the bathroom, her hair in a french braid, she was carrying her makeup bag in one hand and holding his wig in her other hand. She was almost to the bed when Joker grinned mischievously and shouted. “STOP!” 

Harley jerked to a standstill in midstep, her arms slightly out to her side holding the items she was carrying. 

“What?” She looked confused. “Something wrong puddin?” 

Joker smiled. It was time for a little revenge. “Just don’t move…” He strolled over to her while Harley continued to look confused. “Is something on my face?” she asked with a frown while looking down at herself. 

Waltzing over, Joker continued to smile at her causing Harley to narrow her eyes at him. “What are you up to?” she asked when Joker stopped in front of her and dropped to his knees in front of her. Harley frowned, continuing to look confused, but then Joker reached out and grabbed the sides of her panties. 

“Puddin, don’t you dare....” Harley threatened, but Joker only smirked at her and pulled her panties down her legs in one quick gesture. Harley let out a startled squeak which quickly turned into a soft little gasping moan of surprise when Joker leaned in and pressed a kiss to her sex. 

“Puddin…” she said with a warning in her voice that didn’t really hold that much heat. 

Joker ignored her and flicked his tongue out, sliding it between her intimate lips and brushing against her clitoris. As he was flicking his tongue teasingly back and forth against her, he lifted one of her legs to provide better access to pleasing his wife, and therefore, himself. 

Harley shuddered, almost dropping his wig. “Puddin...uh...I need to put this stuff down…” 

Joker’s breath was hot against her wet, swollen clitoris, and his hands snaked slowly up her legs to her hips. He leaned in and pressed his tongue a little more firmly against her, making Harley twitch and gasp. 

When he answered her, it was a low, breathy whisper. “Think of it as a test of skill…” 

Harley groaned, glaring down at him. “Oh, you bastard!” 

Laughing Joker caressed her ass while sliding his tongue slowly back and forth against her clitoris. He could feel the tiny bud, swollen,warm and wet against his tongue and lips. Groaning with pleasure at the scent and taste of her, Joker buried his face more greedily against her, digging his fingers into her hips. He used his tongue to gently trace the shape of her sex, memorizing the shape and feel of her on his mouth. His beautiful girl, he thought with another audible moan while his tongue flicked against her. 

The warm, wet feel of Joker’s tongue mixed with the vibration of his moans and the occasional chuckle made Harley vibrate and twitch. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and groaned loudly, continuing to twitch. His attentions sent microquakes of delight through her body. 

“Puddin…” She looked down at him, but that only made everything worse. Seeing Joker, his eyes closed, his hands on her, mouth buried between her legs...Harley gasped louder, arching her back as an orgasm seemed to leap through her body, burning through her body. She almost dropped the wig and the bag. 

Sensing her eyes on him, Joker glanced up to see Harley watching him, her mouth slightly open on a gasp, her eyes glowing with pleasure, but then he got to watch the transformation of her face as an orgasm rippled through her. She was so beautiful when she climaxed, he thought with a smile. Just so fucking beautiful!! He made a happy growl and squeezed her ass before bringing his hand around to caress her legs. Gently, his thumbs caressed the soft skin of her inner thighs, moving higher while he gently sucked on her clitoris, making Harley jerk harder and groan. 

Each little groan and gasp she made made his erection pulse painfully. He wanted to bury himself inside her, but this was about her, this was about his revenge, this was about him tasting her...his girl. He’d take care of his needs with her later tonight when they had to get out of these horrible clothes, but right now... 

Joker slowly, gently pulled her legs just a little wider apart, holding her steady with one hand on her hip, before he thrust two fingers into her while he continued his ministrations with his tongue. Her reaction was instant. Harley gasped and jerked, shuddering as she nearly dropped Joker’s wig and her makeup bag. Her knees wobbled, but her back stiffened. “Puddin...uh puddin…” She had to squeeze her eyes shut as a wave of pleasure rolled over her that had her shivering. 

Catching the pearl of her clitoris between his lips, Joker sucked and he curled his fingers just enough that when he thrust them inside her, he hit her g-spot just how he knew she liked. 

Harley’s gasp turned into a long groan, her climax washing over her like an ocean wave. 

Joker gripped her hip tighter with his one hand while continuing to thrust his fingers into her, all while he kept sucking gently and slowly alternating the sucking motion with long, slow licks using the flat of his tongue. He slowed the motion of his fingers down, easing into the wetness of her; thrust in, slowly pull out, until Harley started to move her hips along with the rhythm he set. He didn’t think she realized she was thrusting in rhythm with him, which only made him smile. He felt like he was playing the most beautiful instrument ever created, his Harley Quinn... 

Harley jerked, cried out again, her panting gasps loud and high pitched. She felt as if her orgasms had doubled up on her, catching her by surprise. Her cries turned to whimpers as she struggled to stay on her feet, hold his wig and her bag, and not pitch forward. Her legs and body arched and jerked as another powerful orgasm slammed into her. 

“Puddin!” 

Growling against her clitoris, Joker continued to lick, suck and thrust until Harley whined, her knees weak and her toes curling. “Oh god, stop!!” 

Joker giggled. She could feel the sensation rippling up through her core before he sat back and grinned at her, his mouth, chin and nose shiny with her fluids. 

Winking at her, Joker slowly stood. “I win.” 

“We were not having a competition,” she muttered breathlessly as he stood up and walked around her, heading to the bathroom. “Hey! Are you gonna leave my panties around my ankles?” Harley asked with a frown, looking over her shoulder at him. 

Joker stopped in the doorway of the bathroom and looked over his shoulder winking at her. “Yup.” He grinned before he disappeared into the bathroom. 

Harley grumbled and kicked one of her feet a little to move the panties so she could step out of them. She continued to mutter as she set her bag down on the bed before walking back to pick up her panties while still carrying his wig. “Ass…” she muttered to herself, but she was smiling brightly when she said it. 

* 

Sitting at Harley’s vanity, facing Harley, Joker wrinkled his nose. Harley growled at him for the umpteenth time. “Stop moving so much.” 

“I can’t help it, feels like I’m wearing a mask,” Joker groused as Harley worked to smooth out the coloring on his cheek and into his green hair. 

“Well, you are wearing a mask technically. You’re pretending to be a normal person.” Harley frowned as she inspected her work. She had her hair done up in a basic French braid and a thick black framed pair of glasses on her nose. She was wearing a pair of jeans with holes in the knees, black ankle boots and a round collar, loose tunic sweater in gold. Tilting her head to the side, Harley examined Joker’s makeup before she nodded. She set her makeup aside and reached for the wig. (Joker’s own hair was under a wig cap.) She stood up and gently secured the wig before sitting back and brushing her fingers through the brown hair of the wig. 

“There you are…” She grinned. “Mr. Jack White.” 

Joker grinned at her before he turned to look at himself in the mirror and gagged. “Bluk…” 

Laughing, Harley shook her head. “Stop, it’s not that bad.” 

“Yes it is!” Joker pouted. “Look at my lips! No color at all. And my beautiful pearly skin…” 

Harley smirked at her reaching out to brush some powder off the front of his shirt. “This was your idea puddin…” 

He frowned slightly at her, his eyes narrowing, and knew exactly what she was doing. He was about to say something when there was a knock at the door leading to their apartment. 

“Oh, I bet that’s Bob and Archie…” Harley hurried up and out of the room while Joker frowned at his reflection. “Brown is not your color, sir,” he muttered to himself reaching up to lightly tug on one of his hairs. “Yuck,” he grumbled before standing up and heading into the living room. 

Bob stood in the middle of the living room looking as unhappy as Joker. Gone was any sign of a tutus and he was wearing jeans and a simple black t shirt, not a bit of tulle to be seen. They had to send him back a couple of times to change before Bob finally relented to no tutus, but Joker had made it easier for the big man by whispering in his ear that he could be wearing a sparkly leotard under his clothes. 

Archie looked as dull as dishwater wearing one of his old suits, his unlit cigar resting at one side of his mouth. “So...we ready? Frost’s got the car ready.” (Frost was not participating in their game under the assumption they would need a getaway car...at least that was his argument.) 

Harley grinned, clapping her hands like a proud mother. “Oh, you both look perfect!” 

Bob pouted at her, but Harley only giggled. “Stop Bob, you’ll be fine. Remember this is a Halloween costume!” 

Bob did not look as if he believed he would be fine at all and that there were a hundred other things he would have liked to dress up as than as a normal guy. 

Harley came over to him smiling and patted his cheek. “Just remember how funny this is going to be!” 

Bob slowly smiled, then nodded. 

“Oh, how we suffer for our art!” Joker grabbed the coat he was supposed to wear, a lined denim jacket (ugh he yelled internally.) “All right, let’s go boys and girls! Mr. and Mrs. White and their co-workers need to go do some whining!” Joker headed toward the door and stopped, turning around to look expectantly at the rest of them. 

Harley giggled and grabbed her coat to follow her husband out the door. 

* 

The YMCA where the meetings were being held was a large brick building that had once been a department store. Frost parked a few blocks away so they could walk to the building without anyone seeing the car or Frost. The air was chilly and the nip in the air made Harley’s nose cold. 

She had her arm wrapped around Joker’s arm, staying close to him for warmth while Bob and Archie followed behind them, their shoes tapping out a dull rhythm against the sidewalk. 

Harley was looking around, her face breaking into a grin when she saw Eddie, Quelle, and Crane all waiting for them outside the YMCA. She almost didn’t recognize Crane for a moment as he was wearing a simple brown tweed suit with matching brown tie, little round glasses and his brown hair was combed back, though it somehow looked shaggy, like he was some absentminded professor. Next to him Eddie looked about the same, except instead of a green suit he was wearing a pair of grey slacks with a navy sweater vest over a plain white shirt and leather jacket over that. 

His hair was styled a little different from the usual and the glasses he was wearing weren’t the style he usually wore. Quelle was in a pair of black leggings and an oversized pink sweatshirt, looking adorable Harley thought. 

Harley waved. “Hey!” 

Quelle waved back while Crane brought his hand up in greeting, a tiny smile on his lips. Eddie had his hands in the pockets of his jacket. When he saw Joker, the shorter man pressed his lips together, his eyes widening and a little watery as he struggled not to laugh. 

Joker glared at Eddie. “Eddie.” 

“Hey…” Eddie said quietly with a look around. A few people were walking past them, but no one was giving them a second look. “Code names…” 

Joker made a face and said with clear disgust. “Sorry. Bobby Fischer.” 

Eddie grinned ignoring the tone Joker used. “So, what are we going to do exactly?” 

“Well, tonight just listen, maybe tell our stories of victimhood.” Joker touched his chest dramatically. “Maybe put in a bad word about Batman.” 

Eddie frowned in thought for a second, then shrugged. “We didn’t have any other plans this week anyway.” He smiled at Quelle putting his arm out to her. “Shall we Mrs. Fischer?” 

Quelle blushed, taking his hand and smiling at Harley before they headed inside. Crane smiled, his eyes twinkling behind his glasses. “This should be quite informative…” 

“Just stay on track there, Crane old buddy,” Joker said, falling into step along with the tall, thin man. 

Crane lifted a brow and Joker grinned. “Sorry--Mr. Washington.” 

Smiling, Crane inclined his head before heading inside just a step ahead of them. 

Joker giggled with Harley. “This is gonna be fun.” 

* 

About ten minutes into the meeting Joker was ready to cut his own throat. He whispered to Harley while some man named Butch stood up and talked about the time he was caught in one of Firefly’s attacks. The man had part of his face burned and scarred, while all of his hair was missing as well. 

They were all sitting on uncomfortable folding metal chairs in a circle, sipping badly made coffee, eating doughnuts while each member of the group stood up and told a little of their story. At least that was the plan until Butch stood up and started hogging all the speaking time. 

Joker frowned, looking at the man with narrowed eyes and hissed in a low voice to Harley, “He might give Two-Face a run for his money in the fugly department.” 

Harley bent her head down, pressing her lips together to stifle her laugh before she whispered by his ear. “Puddin, stop it.” 

Joker made a sour face at her. 

Butch finished speaking and the little leader of the therapy group, a Dr. Amanda Lydecker, a woman with a short, ash blonde bob that hung right below her ears and wearing a dark green sweatshirt and brown slacks under a white doctor’s coat, stood up. 

“I think before we continue, it might be a good idea to meet some of our new guests. I see quite a few new faces here tonight. Just stand up and give the group your name, and if you feel comfortable, please tell us which criminal you were...involved with.” Dr. Lydecker smiled, her eyes on Joker and their little group, the only new ones here tonight. 

Joker looked at Harley who gave him a grin. 

He stood up, keeping a hand in Harley’s like he’d seen some actors do during a dramatic dialogue. “My name is Jack White, this is my wife Greta…” 

Harley chomped down on her bottom lip to stop herself from yelling at him, while at the same time schooling her features so that she didn’t lose her supportive smile. They had agreed that her name was Hope even as Joker had tried all night to give her some awful name like Helen, Agnes, Gertrude, Greta…she was going to kill him. 

“We were both victims of…” He paused for drama before he hissed with just the right balance of fear and anger. “The Joker and Harley Quinn.” 

The people in the group all muttered their shock and understanding. Joker resisted smiling as he continued. “He hit us with that Joker toxin of his...made us laugh until our throats bled. We were lucky that we got the antitoxin in time, but...it was horrible. Just horrible,” he gasped, sniffing dramatically and dropped back to his seat where Harley wrapped her arms around him. They were so good at this, she thought with amusement. 

Eddie and Quelle stood up together with Quelle clutching Eddie’s arm. “My girlfriend and I were attacked by the Riddler. While more of a gentleman than Joker, he’s no less terrifying.” 

A few people murmured their agreement. 

Joker whispered at Harley. “Eddie lack's range, pumpkin. He can only do ‘slightly annoyed pompous idiot.’ Anyone who felt threatened by him is probably scared of sponges too.” 

Harley quickly turned her laugh into a cough. 

Crane stood, introduced himself as Dr. Washington, no first name given. “I was attacked by the Scarecrow.” 

This statement elicited several exclamations. 

Joker made a face that he covered with his hand pretending to cough. “Only crows are scared of scarecrows.” 

Harley rubbed his shoulder. “Don’t worry puddin, more people reacted to you than to either of them.” 

“Really?” Joker asked, his eyes wide. 

Harley pressed her lips together on a chuckle. He looked so strange with a normal skin tone. “Yes.” 

That seemed to make him happy as Archie stood up, looking at Bob before he spoke in his deadpan voice. “We were attacked by Joker and Harley Quinn as well. My friend here was so scared that he lost his voice, he can no longer speak.” Bob smiled faintly and nodded looking around at everyone. 

Archie shook his head looking forlorn and depressed. “It was so bad that I begged the Joker to kill me, but he refused. Now I live wondering if one day he will change his mind and come for me...” This statement earned several gasps from the other people around them. Archie glanced up and made eye contact with Joker with a clear question in his eyes. Joker wrinkled his nose back at Archie and gave a quick head shake. Archie deflated a little more. “My life is one of constantly waiting for death…” 

Dr. Lydecker stood up again. “That’s terrible…” Her expression was one of kind understanding. She wanted each of them to know their pain was special to her, that she would do what she could to help each of them. “You are all welcome here. This is a safe space in which we can discuss with others who have lived through attacks that Gotham City has suffered...” 

Joker hissed at Harley. “Well if some of these dolts are victims that got away from us, we need to start being a little more thorough.” 

Harley pressed her lips together again and elbowed him as unobtrusively as she could. 

“Would anyone like to discuss their…” the doctor began, but a man stood up. He was a big man, the sort of guy that made Harley automatically think “trucker” by the sloopy jeans and red and green plaid shirt he wore. 

“Yeah, my name is Richie, I’m a delivery driver; I bring stock to supermarkets here in Gotham. I want to talk about my encounter with the Joker and Harley Quinn...pieces of shit...” His voice broke. “...clowns.” It was clear the man didn’t like clowns. 

“Oh, this should be good.” Joker whispered as he barely suppressed a grin, though he did glance over at Eddie and stuck his tongue out. Eddie gave him a dirty look, but then turned away to ignore him. 

Harley elbowed him again, hissing. “You are gonna get us caught, puddin.” 

“Sorry Greta.” He grinned at her only to wince and stifle a yelp when Harley elbowed him again. 

Joker made a face at her, kept silent, turning his attention to Richie. 

“I was making a delivery at night--you get paid more for evening deliveries. Anyway, I was driving through the downtown area when…” He pressed his lips together and paused. One of the other victims, a man named Arnold who had been sitting next to the trucker, reached up and laid a hand on the other man’s flannel clad arm. “It’s okay Richie…” 

Richie nodded. “I just fucking hate Halloween, especially when I see kids dressed like clowns…” 

Everyone in the room muttered softly in understanding, all of them having their difficulty with Halloween and the costumed people running around in the streets, and many people dressed as a costumed super villain. 

Richie smiled a little as he looked around at everyone before he continued. “I was just minding my own business when this purple car comes zipping from an alley right in front of me. I had time to see a couple of clowns only to realize it was the Joker and Harley sitting on the roof of this huge purple car, firing guns at me along with four grenades. That bitch Harley Quinn reached into the sunroof and pulled out a grenade launcher!” For a moment Richie’s voice rose, but he quickly cleared his throat and started again. “...the fucking grenades bounced like god damn balls!” Richie took a moment to steady himself before he continued while Joker leaned close to Harley with a grin. 

“I remember that night...Batman was chasing us--it was awesome…” He grinned at her bringing a hand up to conceal his smile. “And you with a grenade launcher? I was so fucking turned on…” 

Joker smirked at her, causing Harley to suck in her lips to stop a giggle from bubbling out. 

Harley nodded pressing her lips together on her own laugh, swallowing before she trusted herself to speak. “I remember...that was a fun night. I miss that purple car too.” She sighed wistfully before she whispered, “And the sex! You were unhinged...I loved it...” She lifted a brow at Joker who had to quickly swallow his coffee or he would have spit it out laughing with pleasure because he remembered that night vividly. He coughed, the two of them receiving a few glances while Harley patted his back. “Don’t breathe it honey.” 

Richie continued with a slight glare at the two of them. “Two of the grenades broke through my windshield and they exploded on impact with me…” His voice shook. “There was so much smoke, and then I started to laugh. I mean, I was laughing, but not like I’d ever laughed before...it was awful. I could feel the smile on my lips pulling them apart…” Richie shook his head before he said softly. “I was laughing, my eyes tearing up when the Batmobile came fishtailing out of the same ally the clowns had appeared from. He was right in front of me...there was so much smoke, but I still saw him and my truck hit the Batmobile’s back end. My truck flipped to the side and rolled. I don’t know what the Batmobile is made from, but it didn’t stop, I saw him keep going. My truck turned and rolled into the river. After that I don’t remember much until I woke up in the hospital…” Richie sighed. “I’ve been terrified of clowns ever since…” 

Joker raised his hand. 

Everyone looked at him, including Harley, with confusion. She hissed under her breath. “What are you doing?” 

Joker just widened his eyes and waved his hand out. “Richie, I have a question.” 

Richie frowned, but shrugged. “Yeah, ah what?” 

“How long were you in the hospital?” Joker asked with a small smile. 

Richie frowned in thought rubbing his hand over the top of his head. “I think with breaking my legs when the truck rolled and the recovery from the Joker gas...I think I was there eight, maybe nine weeks.” He looked back at Joker with a question in his eyes. 

“Interesting...and which part took longer to heal from, the Joker gas or broken bones?” Joker asked mildly. 

Richie, as well as everyone else, looked a little confused by Joker’s questions. 

“The legs,” Richie said, frowning a little deeper before he asked. “What are you picking at?” 

Joker pressed his lips together as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees, steepling his fingers before he spoke. “Well, see Richie, I’m a risk assessment adviser and it seems to me that maybe your real problem should be with Batman, not Joker and Harley.” 

“What are you talking about?” Richie looked confused. 

One of the other members of the meeting, Monica, who was one of Scarecrow’s victims (Joker could see that once Monica and her friend Jess had said they were his victims, Crane had been staring at them all night. Thank goodness they hadn’t noticed.) “Are you trying to say he should be mad at Batman?” she asked with only a slight look of confusion, as if she was rolling around the thought Joker had put out for the group. 

Joker’s lips curled into a small smile as he shrugged and gestured with his hands. “It didn’t take you long to recover from the Joker gas, but two broken legs? From hitting the Batmobile? And he didn’t even stop?” Joker shook his head with a slight snort. “Makes me think that Batman is the real menace here. I mean...” He looked at everyone in the room. “...besides, all the crazy didn’t start showing up until Batman did. So, maybe it’s Batman we should all be upset with?” He shrugged again. “I’m just saying…” 

Harley barely resisted groaning and rolling her eyes. She hated that phrase! 

The other members muttered softly, but Richie shook his head. “No, I was told Batman came back and pulled me out…” 

“Did he though?” Joker tilted his head. “Did he?” 

Richie opened his mouth to argue, but found that he didn’t know for sure… 

Everyone was speaking at the same time. It was clear this meeting was quickly turning into an argument. 

Dr. Lydecker stood up. “Okay now, everyone calm down please.” 

“But doctor, you know, I think Jack is right? I mean these guys didn’t show up until after Batman did.” Butch, the guy who had been speaking about his encounter with Firefly spoke up, the scar on his face turning an angry red. 

Dr. Lydecker motioned and shushed until everyone settled down before she spoke again. “We are not here to talk about Batman and his role in the city. We are here to discuss your problems with costumed villains, but we’re out of time tonight. I’ll see you all on Wednesday, we can discuss what we’d like to do for our own Halloween party for Friday. I think a nice social gathering in a place that you all feel safe will be a nice way to end this set of meetings.” She smiled then nodded. “Everyone have a good night.” 

The group all started to move, standing up, and grabbing jackets. 

Harley leaned close to Joker just as Eddie and the others came over. 

“What was that about Batman?” Harley asked with a slightly frown. They hadn’t discussed him throwing Batman under the bus like that. She wished they had though, because it was brilliant! 

Joker shrugged whispering back. “I just felt inspired.” 

Riddler shrugged and looked reluctantly impressed, but also unwilling to fully commit to being impressed. “They won’t be persuaded to stop worshiping Batman.” 

Joker gave Riddler a contented smile and waggled his eyebrows. “Maybe not, but I’ve sowed a seed of doubt.” 

Crane nodded his approval. “That doubt will eat at them until it slowly, over time turns into a fear. Very nicely done.” He smiled at Joker. “Nicely done indeed.” 

Joker gave a slight bow, one arm across his stomach. “Thank you.” 

Their little group was interrupted by a couple of the other members from the Victim’s Group, Maxie, Jean, and Lauren, who came over with the clear eager expressions of those wanting to ask questions. 

“Hey, uh Jack?” Jean called out. 

Joker smiled, giving a little wave. “Yes?” 

“So you really think that about Batman, I mean that the costumed creeps are his fault?” Jean asked while running his fingers through his short black hair. 

Joker smiled serenely. “Maybe, I mean think about it. Who was here first, who do all the villains want to fight? It’s all about the show.” He shrugged. “It’s all a performance piece really. Some costumed villain runs around Gotham shooting off laughing grenades or making big puzzle boxes…” His eyes met Eddie’s gaze, who pursed his lips. “...supposedly after something like money or diamonds, but maybe it’s all about getting Batman’s attention for the performance. No Batman, no straight man, no show.” He shrugged and smiled charmingly. “Not that difficult really…” 

The three of them all exchanged a look as if they had never thought about the situation like that. 

Jean nodded, sharing a look with his companions before he smiled. “Thanks man…” 

Joker grinned and waved with his fingers. “No problem.” 

Eddie muttered. “I don’t do what I do just to fight Batman. Sometimes I want the money...too.” 

Joker chuckled, turning around to put his arm around Eddie’s shoulders much to the other man’s dismay and whispered, “Oh Eddie, we all know you just want to prove you’re smarter than Batsy and Crane here just wants to find out what scares old pointy ears. Now Harls and me, we are all about the fun and Batman is endlessly fun.” He patted Eddie on the head before he let go causing 

Eddie to growl at him. 

“Well, this has been fun! Really looking forward to the Halloween party…” He snickered as he wrapped his arm around Harley’s waist. “But I need a cigarette and to take the missus home. See you lot at the next meeting!” Joker and Harley turned, heading to the door with Bob and Archie following behind. 

Eddie glanced at Quelle and slid his arm around her waist. “Well…” He shrugged and smiled. “The party might actually be fun…” Quelle smiled as they walked off, leaving Crane who looked slightly pleased. “This is quite an interesting group,” he said to himself lost in thought as he walked away. 

* 

The next meeting of the Victim’s Group had Joker waltzing into the YMCA with Harley on his arm, wearing a black leather jacket over a dark green dress shirt, no tie, jeans, but with a green bowler hat on his head. Eddie and the others were already here, with Eddie and Quelle sitting on a couple of the fold out chairs with styrofoam cups of coffee while Crane was at the snack table in a conversation with Monica whose eyes were wide--not quite frightened--but well on her way to that expression. The moment Eddie saw Joker and Harley walk in (Harley wore a long green sweater dress with black leggings and knee high brown boots which made them look like a perfectly normal people), his mouth dropped open in shock and anger. 

Quelle frowned as she looked at Joker and then at Eddie; she recognized the hat immediately. It was the one that Eddie had sold online so they could fund their last scheme. And which failed because of Batman. 

“Isn’t that…” she started to ask, but Eddie growled. 

“That fucker has my hat!” 

“Shush!” Quelle punched him in the ribs, making Eddie yelp and draw attention to them. 

Joker grinned brightly, his gaze on Eddie while he waggled his eyebrows. He was about to say something pleasant, adding some snark in a whisper when he was close enough, but he didn’t get the chance. Michael, one of the quieter members of their little victims group--and who had suffered a mental breakdown after one of Eddie’s stunts--pointed at Joker and let out a scream like he was a pod alien from the movie “The Body Snatchers,” causing everyone to jump and turn. 

Dr. Lydecker rushed over to Michael and covered his eyes. “Mr. White, your hat, it’s...well it’s just too similar to the types of hats worn by…” She frowned and more mouthed than said, “The Riddler.” 

Michael because to sob. “Could you please take it off and hide it?” 

Joker blinked, looking both shocked and slightly affronted by Michael’s reaction (though only Harley would have picked Joker being affronted, otherwise he hid it well.) 

“Of course Dr. Lydecker, I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” Joker took the hat off and tossed it into one of the garbage cans. “There, all gone.” 

“Thank you.” Dr. Lydecker removed her hands from Michael’s eyes. “There, there Mr. Korick…” 

Eddie, whose face had started to develop that annoying superior look he got whenever he thought he had gotten something over on Joker, turned to smirk about Michael’s reaction to him only to gasp in dismay when he saw Joker toss the hat into the garbage can. 

Joker grinned at him and wrinkled his nose while Harley did her best not to laugh. She grabbed a cookie from the snack table and stuffed it into her mouth while Quelle had to hold Eddie back from diving into the garbage can to rescue his hat. 

Harley pulled Joker over to a couple of chairs while he muttered under his breath. “Michael must be one of those weak minded people who finds Jeopardy stimulating.” 

Harley closed her eyes and brought her hand up to hide her smile. “Told you the hat wasn’t a good idea puddin,” she whispered, but Joker grinned at her. 

“Did you see Eddie’s face when I tossed it into the trash? Best money I ever spent…” Harley grabbed Joker’s face and kissed him to stop herself from laughing. 

Dr. Lydecker finished soothing Michael and led him to another room to lie down before returning to the rest of them. “All right,” she began with a smile. “How is everyone tonight?” 

There were murmurs as everyone professed to being ‘fine,’ ‘okay,’ or ‘good.’ Dr. Lydecker smiled and nodded. “Well, to the first order of business, I have some good news. The YMCA has said we can have a Halloween party Friday. You may dress up if you wish, but please, be conscious of others' phobias. Also if you all wouldn’t mind chipping in for refreshments?” She looked around with lifted brows and then smiled as everyone nodded. “Okay good, I’ll be taking care of plates, cups, and decorations. Would anyone like to volunteer to provide music?” 

Arnold raised his hand. “I’ve done some DJ for birthday parties…” 

“That would be fantastic Arnold, thank you.” Dr. Lydecker smiled. “I need someone on drinks…” Harley threw her hand up. “My husband and I can handle that and I believe Bob would be happy to bake…” 

Bob nodded happily. 

“Perfect!” Dr. Lydecker smiled. “The rest of you can bring whatever food or snacks...Oh, no alcohol drinks please…” She added smiling at Harley who nodded. 

“Of course, just some fruit punch.” 

“Good, good. Well, wonderful then, we’ll have our own safe party right here.” Dr. Lydecker smiled in appreciation of everyone’s willingness to help and clapped. 

Joker leaned over to whisper at Harley with a confused look in his blue eyes. “Why’d you volunteer us for drinks?” 

“Did you say you wanted to do our big reveal at the party?” she asked in a quiet voice with a smile. 

Joker nodded slowly. “I did…” 

“Well, Dr. Lydecker said the drinks needed to be non-alcoholic, she didn’t say anything about anything else being in the drinks, now did she?” Harley lifted one blonde eyebrow at him. 

Joker grinned brightly. “I love the way that devious little mind of yours works.” 

Harley smiled and wrinkled her nose playfully whispering back. “I know you do.” 

* 

The second meeting went on in much the same as the last time. Members who hadn’t spoken previously were given a chance to speak during this meeting (though Richie once more tried to tell his story again.) Arnold spoke of his Joker attack, how he had been part of a bus tour in Gotham when the clowns attacked, killing over half the occupants of the bus with acid and laughing gas. Arnold shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself. “I don’t think I’ll ever get their laughing faces out of my nightmares.” He shivered and ran his hands over his face. “I can hear their laughter...I can hear the echoing sound of manic laughter whenever I’m alone, whenever I close my eyes. At night their pale faces with those crazed eyes and wide--too wide smiles seem to lurk at the edges of the shadows, staring at me, laughing and laughing…” 

Everyone in the room who had never been in a Joker and Harley attack remained silent and fixed on the man’s words, their eyes wide with fear, while those who had encountered Joker and Harley shuddered in response, having their own nightmares. 

Joker was grinning, leaning forward to listen to Arnold relate his story with wide eyed appreciation until Harley pinched him. He only just barely stopped himself from yelping. 

He gave her an indignant look, but Harley only winked at him before she stood up. Joker looked up at her in adoration even though he had no idea what she planned to do. 

“My husband and I were on our way home from the movies, walking down the sidewalk when the clowns attacked. They were fighting across the rooftops of Gotham…” She looked up and waved her hand like she could conjure up the image for everyone. “We saw the acid falling through the air, but there was nothing we could do. We watched as several people walking just a little ways in front of us started to scream…” Harley spoke dramatically, though she did not go over the top while relating the story, Joker noted with pride in his wife. She spoke with just enough emotion, her voice breaking, her eyes wide, and her pretty face aglow. “They screamed and screamed...I still hear their screams...” Her voice drifted for a bit, as if lost in a memory. 

Joker watched her while he bit his bottom lip, completely enamoured. 

“Then...then they started to melt…” Harley’s voice became lower, everyone in the room leaned toward her. Even Eddie found himself frozen as Harley told her story while Crane smiled a little, observing everyone’s fearful expressions. 

“We…” She began to breathe faster, rapid and shallow. Her eyes were huge and glimmered with unshed tears. “....we watched as the acid melted their faces, their eyes turned white, their clothing burned, and they just...just...until they were nothing but puddles...puddles of goo on the sidewalk slowly oozing into the gutter...” 

Maxie started to cry. 

Harley kept her expression wide-eyed, a slight tremble in her chin and her bottom lip. She even let a tear slowly roll down her cheek. Joker stared at her. He had never been more in love with Harley than he was at that moment. She deserved a fucking Oscar he thought with pleasure gazing at her as if she were a goddess, his goddess. His murderous, lying goddess! 

“It was truly horrible,” Harley whispered before she sat down like her knees had given out. 

Everyone sat silent. Joker fought the urge to grab Harley and yank her onto his lap so he could cover her in kisses and take her right here on the floor! His Harley was such a beautiful liar! 

She glanced over at him, reached for his hand, her expression still exhibiting fear and shock, but only he could see the mischief dancing in her gaze. Joker took her hand in his and brought her knuckles up to his lips, pressed a kiss to her hand while he stared at her with a twinkle in his eyes. 

Harley winked at him. 

Dr. Lydecker smiled, drawing their attention away from each other. “Thank you Mrs. White. Now...” 

Crane spoke up, looking around at the assembled victims. His dark eyes took in the fearful expressions on everyone’s faces. He simply couldn’t help himself; this place and these people were far too interesting. He had already made his mind up after the last meeting, that finding more of these types of groups, disguising himself as various characters so that he could sit and listen to them discuss their fears would be his new hobby. The information he could gather would be priceless!! 

“Tell me, are you all scared by this story of the Joker and Harley Quinn?” Crane asked in a low, melodious voice. He didn’t direct the question at a specific person, but to the group at large. 

Richie looked over at Crane as if he’d grown a third head. “Yeah, course dude, what do you think?” 

“Not just those of you who were part of a Joker and Harley Quinn attack?” Crane lifted a brow with his query. 

Butch spoke up, his voice soft. “We’ve all heard Joker and Harley Quinn horror stories. We’re all more scared of running into them than any of the other costumed freaks…” 

Archie piped up. “I’m not afraid of the costumed villains…” Everyone turned to look at the little man. “I’m afraid I’m going to live forever...and ever...” Archie shuddered, going pale, his eyes taking on a haunted cast, as if a cold wind had descended on them. Archie continued in his usual monotone. “So yeah, that’s why I’m going to kill myself or get someone to do it for me.” 

“Now Archie…” Dr. Lydecker started, sidetracking the conversation for a few minutes while she tried to encourage Archie to get more professional help. 

While everyone’s attention was on Archie, Joker glanced over at Eddie who turned to look over at him, as if he sensed the other man’s gaze. Their eyes met and Joker stuck his tongue out at him. 

Eddie rolled his eyes and looked away, crossing his arms over his chest and muttering to himself. “They wouldn’t be so scared if they knew what a dork he actually is…” 

Quelle glanced at Eddie. “You say something?” 

“Nope.” Eddie sighed. 

* 

Crane was really in his element Harley thought as she watched the skinny man. She could tell he was enjoying himself and the sour smell of fear in the air. 

“Why don’t you tell me about it?” Crane smiled tilting his head a little and just like that, everyone started to talk about what scared them. The conversation was interesting for the first few minutes, as everyone turned out to be deeply afraid of Joker and Harley. Several of them also admitted to being a little afraid of Batman--much to Joker’s glee--but then Eddie asked if anyone though Joker was funny. 

Turned out no one thought Joker was funny, which annoyed the disguised clown a lot. Harley noticed by the way he crossed his arms and slouched in his chair like a three year old having a tantrum. 

Joker’s clear displeasure at not being found funny caught Eddie’s attention, however. 

Riddler grinned at Joker until the other man turned to look at him. Once Joker was facing him Eddie stuck his tongue out. 

Harley nearly had to lunge to grab Joker’s arm and force him to stay in his chair. “Puddin!” she hissed low at him. “Behave!” 

Joker pouted, muttering. “Fine, but I’ll be glad when it’s time for that damn party.” 

* 

By the time the meeting was over, Joker was more than ready to go home--or dynamite the building. 

“If the payoff on this joke wasn’t going to be so good and also prove to those jerks that I am too funny, I would have blown this place up tonight, and then hunt everyone down one by one…” He mused with a grin. “Could you imagine?” He shrugged, continuing to mutter. “No, stick to the joke…” He shook his head, still irritated. “What a bunch of whiners!” Joker threw his arms up as they walked down the alley toward the car with Bob and Archie bringing up the rear. 

Harley smiled, skipping beside him. “Just think of how scared they are going to be at that party when we reveal who we are…” She giggled. “Too bad Batman won’t be there…” 

“Yeah. Too bad…” Joker started to say, then stopped mid stride, his foot out in front of him hovering over the cement. 

Harley had skipped a few paces ahead, but had to stop and turn around. “Puddin?” 

Joker’s lips pulled back, his grin gradually spreading across his face. Harley knew that smile and that twinkle in his eyes. 

“What if we got Batman to show up?” He looked excitedly at Harley while slowly bringing his foot down. “What if after our reveal, Batman actually shows up!! Can you imagine? Some of them said they were scared of Batman too, and after what I said about who the real problem is…” His voice had gone tense with excitement as he warmed to his idea. “The amount of chaos…” He shuddered. “It’ll be a Halloween these rubes will never forget. That would just be the cherry on the top!” Joker caught his bottom lip between his teeth, his face bright with excitement. “It would be just too perfect Harls!” 

Harley frowned a little. She felt like the chances of Batman catching them increased if they were all in a small room with him, but there would be the citizens Batsy would want to protect, and Crane and Eddie would be there. If they could convince them to help with the plan...She grinned. Her lover was right, it could potentially be a lot of fun. 

“So how do we get him to show up puddin? Note, broadcast, secret message?” Harley asked before she grinned as the idea popped, perfectly formed into her head. “Oh I know...a riddle.” 

Joker groaned and wrinkled his nose as if he smelled something foul. “Harls!! Really, you want to let Eddie do one of his stupid riddles?” 

“Why not puddin? And if he gets to do a lure riddle that leads Batman to us, he won’t try and bail on the fun.” She put her hand on her hip, cocking it a bit as she gave him a sassy smile. “And if we tell Crane to bring some of his fear gas, slowly leak it into the room just before the reveal, he’ll stay around too just to see what happens.” Harley grinned a little wider. “Then Batman and his little bird will have not only us, but the two of them and a room full of freaked out civilians all in one little place. He’ll be torn between trying to catch just one of us, while also protecting people who might not want this protection…” She smirked, raising an eyebrow at him. 

Joker stared at her, his eyes wide with appreciation. “Harls, you are a genius.” 

“That’s why you love me,” she declared bursting into laughter as he charged her, caught her up, and threw her over his shoulder. “Yes I do!” He laughed as he carried her over his shoulder to the car while his hand rested on her rump, occasionally giving her a swat while she giggled. 

“I do indeed love you…” he said with a laugh. 

* 

Halloween night, the same night of the Victim’s Group Halloween party, Batman had a green envelope delivered to him when he stopped to see Gordon to discuss a case they were working on. 

“This arrived at the station for you Batman.” Gordon opened his desk drawer and pulled out the envelope. “We dusted it for fingerprints and found nothing.” 

Batman frowned as he took the envelope. It was the same shade of green that Riddler favored. Feeling his heartbeat increase, adrenaline coursing through his veins at the thought of a Riddler hunt, Batman opened the envelope while Robin watched. 

“This is the first of a series of clues you must solve Batman to find me and the crime I’m about to commit. Answer the riddle and see if you are fast enough to stop me. The Riddler.” 

At the bottom of the page was written. “Why is an orange like a bell?” 

Robin answered instantly. “Because you peel them both.” 

Batman nodded. “Exactly.” He looked up meeting Gordon’s gaze. “It seems the Riddler is on the move tonight.” 

“I understand…” Gordon murmured reaching down to pick up his unlit pipe. “You let me know if…” He looked up only to see that Batman and Robin were already gone. He sighed and shook his head as he flopped down in his office chair. “God, I hate it when they do that…” 

* 

Joker was whistling while he and Harley walked down the sidewalk. He and Harley were both carrying two plastic two liters filled with bright magenta colored liquid that was part seltzer water, part fruit punch and part Joker’s laughing gas made in liquid form. It wasn’t nearly strong enough to kill anyone, or really do much facial distortion, but it was enough to give someone a fit of giggles. Behind them Bob carried several trays of Halloween cookies that he had meticulously baked and decorated (with no enhancements from Joker), followed by Archie who carried an open bag of Halloween Oreos and an open half-empty bag of pork rinds. 

Since they were allowed to dress up for the night, Joker and Harley had decided to go to the party as Gomez and Morticia Addams. Joker wore a black and white striped suit, complete with matching black and white shoes and gloves. Harley had drawn a mustache on for him along with the rest of the makeup he had to wear...for now. Harley had on a tight, black Morticia dress that covered the black and red leather pants she had on underneath, along with the matching corset top, and her mix matched red and black boots and a long black wig. Bob had come as Frankenstein’s monster--who also happened to also be wearing a black and orange tutu--while Archie came dressed as a classical, stereotypical 1940’s hobo. 

When they arrived at the front of the YMCA Eddie, Quelle, and Crane were waiting for them. Eddie was dressed like a classical Hollywood Dracula-type vampire with Quelle in a matching female version of the costume, but carrying a large bag on her shoulder which Harley assumed must have Riddler’s riddle costume inside...or whatever he called it. 

Crane had come as Ichabod Crane in every detail from the hose to the buckled shoes and held a bucket filled with apples. Of course he brought apples Harley thought, he was probably one of those people that gave out raisins to trick-or-treaters too, the villain! 

Eddie was holding a grocery bag filled with rolls and some miscellaneous party-like foods. He actually grinned when he saw Joker and Harley. “Batman should have found the first clue by now,” he said low enough just for the clowns to hear when they were close. “I’ve timed, on average, how long it will take him to solve each riddle and the distance between each point in the goose chase leading to here. He should arrive just when we reveal ourselves.” Eddie looked smug and very pleased with himself. 

Joker wanted so much to say something nasty or funny about Eddie’s riddles, but he was going to be a little bigger tonight...thanks to Harls and the promise of mindblowing sex if he was good, so Joker let Eddie have his little smug gloat. That was unless Batman didn’t show up on time, then Joker was never going to let him live it the fuck down! 

“Well darlings...let’s go have a party!” Joker chuckled turning and leading the way into the YMCA. 

* 

The room that their group had been using, they saw decked out in Halloween orange and black with paper garlands, pumpkins, sheet ghosts, and the occasional witch. Someone had even set up a fog machine so that a small cloud covered the floor and some colored lights were strung up on the walls. 

Joker noticed immediately the lack of bats with a smirk. 

The other members of the victims group had already arrived. Richie was dressed in a weird teddy bear suit that prompted Joker to lean over to Harley and whisper in a creepy voice, “The Stanley Motel…” causing her to giggle. Arnold was dressed like Charlie Brown with Mazie dressed as a basic witch in black. Butch had come as Freddie Kreuger (Joker applauded the man’s choice), 

Jean and Lauren came as Teletubbies--which Joker and Harley found to be disturbing. Michael looked like Elvis in the white, sparkly jumpsuit and half cape, white rimmed glasses, and coiffed dark hair. Monica came as some sort of strange, rainbow colored alien while Jess was dressed as a sexy cheerleader. 

Dr. Lydecker, dressed like an angel, wearing a long white dress, long blonde wig, and fuzzy angel wings, hurried over when she saw them all enter. “Oh fantastic! I love your couple costumes!” 

She smiled, looking them both up and down. “Those are amazing. So, what did you bring to drink?” She gave the two liters they were each carrying a questioning look since she couldn’t seem to recall a soda quite that color... 

“These are a fruit punch of my own concoction!” Joker announced with a grin. “The flavor is quite unique and good for you! Nothing but the best ingredients, it’ll put a smile on your face, guaranteed!” 

“Oh...non-alcoholic correct?” Dr. Lydecker asked with a slight frown. 

“Of course!” Joker grinned. “There is nothing funny about my punch.” 

Harley pressed her lips together holding back a laugh. 

Dr. Lydecker nodded and pointed over to a folding lunch room table decorated with flimsy black and orange paper table cloths and decorated with pumpkins and toilet paper ghosts. Trays laden with food sat on the table: mini hot dogs, tiny swirly things with meat and cheese, along with bowls of chips and different dips, a vegetable tray, and even a large bowl full of fun size candy bars. 

Bob happily hurried over with his trays of cookies and set them down, pulling the plastic wrap off. The moment the scent of the cookies hit the air, everyone started to gravitate to the table. 

Joker smiled at Harley and the two of them headed over to set up their drink. When they arrived they found a plastic green punch bowl along with a clear plastic ladle and green plastic cups. 

Joker set the bottles down and began to open and quickly pour them into the bowl. “Ah green, one of my favorite colors.” 

Harley grinned stepping up behind him once she had set her 2-liters down, kissing the back of his ear and whispering. “Me too.” 

Joker grinned over his shoulder at her. “Mmm...you bewitch me Cara Mia…” 

Harley giggled. “Mon Amour…” 

“That’s French…” He waggled his eyebrows at her, spinning around to catch Harley in his arms and in true Gomez Addams fashion, Joker dipped Harley back while kissing her. Harley barely resisted the urge to giggle, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and kissing him back passionately. 

Eddie, who was standing nearby with Quelle setting out the rolls groaned. “You two are ridiculous.” 

Monica called out clapping. “Man that was good! You two look just like them!” 

Richie muttered. “Yeah, the suit is accurate at least.” 

Joker smirked looking down at Harley with that mischievous twinkle she loved so much before he lifted her back to her feet. “Help me fill the cups Cara Bella?” 

“Of course...puddin…” She whispered the last part only for him to hear. 

Dr. Lydecker clapped her hands to draw everyone’s attention while Joker and Harley filled the cups with their special punch. “Well, now that everyone is here, tonight is just about having fun, relaxing and finding our own way to enjoy the holiday without the stressors or triggers. If any of you feel uncomfortable about something, please come speak to me. We may be here to have fun, but I am still here to help.” She smiled at everyone. “So, if Arnold is ready to start the music, let’s eat, drink, and have some fun!” She threw her arms into the air and let out a woot that sounded so cringy Harley winced. 

“Wow…” 

Joker grinned stepping away from the table, taking Harley’s hand and guided her along with him while the first song Arnold played was Monster Mash. A few people were wandering over to pick up cups of punch. Quelle pulled Riddler into the middle of the room to dance, Crane was in a corner speaking with Monica and Jess. Oh, that was going to be fun when those girls found out who they were speaking with, Joker thought with a smirk playing at his lips. 

Bob had pulled Archie onto the dance floor and while Bob danced enthusiastically to Monster Mash, Archie stood unmoving eating a cookie. 

“So when are we going to shed the makeup puddin?” Harley asked watching as more people wandered over to grab some punch. “And how long before the punch takes effect?” 

Joker smirked. “Mm...it should take maybe half an hour to kick in, but the time will be shorter the more they drink.” 

“Is Crane letting the fear gas seep in?” Harley asked looking around, but she couldn’t see anything except the fog machine blowing soft, fake fog across the dance floor. Joker glanced down at the fog, then back to Harley with a smirk. 

She stared at him for a moment before her eyes widened in understanding. “Man, it's a good thing all of us are immune…” 

“Well, it’s a diluted version,” he said with a shrug. “We don’t want them to be too wigged out to enjoy the reveal.” Joker giggled. 

(Riddler, Quelle, and Archie were immune to Crane’s fear gas at least for tonight, Crane having provided an antitoxin for them to take to protect them. Bob was never affected by any of Joker’s, or anyone else’s gases, toxins, venoms, though no one knew why. Harley was immune thanks to Joker and Ivy both providing her with immunity.) 

The music changed as Arnold put on something slower; I Put A Spell On You began to play. Joker put his hand out to Harley and bowed. “Shall we dance before the chaos begins?” 

Harley giggled and took his hand, letting Joker pull her into the circle of his arms. “I think a slow dance would be perfect puddin.” 

Joker grinned and spun her out onto the dance floor. 

* 

Batman growled in frustration. He was sitting on top of one of Gotham’s many water tanks that sat on top of a building, his fourth clue in his hand. Robin was looking out over the dark, light studded landscape of Gotham City. Luckily it was quiet tonight he thought or this could be a lot worse. He’d seen a few costumed people walking down the streets drinking, a few Halloween party gatherings, groups of children with chaperones, but so far no real violent crimes, except for what Riddler might have planned... 

“Another clue,” Batman ground out. “Let’s get moving…” he growled without looking at Robin before jumping off the roof. 

Robin followed him, feeling a little sorry for Riddler because Batman was becoming annoyed and Robin knew he hit a little harder when he was annoyed. 

* 

Joker held Harley close and slowly spun them both around in a tight circle. No one else existed in the room at the moment, just the two of them. 

Joker sang softly, his blue eyes bright and glowing under the lights. “I put a spell on you...because you’re mine…” He grinned at her waggling his dark eyebrows that Harley had used mascara to turn dark, hiding the green. She giggled softly in response, giggling a little more when he leaned in close, dropping his lips to her exposed throat her giggle replaced by a soft intake of breath. 

Harley felt a pleasant shiver along her spine as he gently, teasingly dragged his lips along her skin. “I put a spell on you…” he murmured, his warm breath tickling her skin, brushed her ear. 

“Because you’re mine…” he purred. “...all mine…” He caught the lobe of Harley’s ear in his teeth sending a hot, passionate jolt of pure lust through her before he let go and dipped her back. His mouth covered hers for a kiss so intense and hot that Harley’s toes curled in her boots. She reached up to grasp the back of his head when she plunged her tongue into his mouth and nearly knocked off his wig. 

That was when they both heard the first manic giggle. 

Joker quickly brought Harley back upright to her feet, wrapping his arms around her waist, slowly moving her back and forth to the music as he looked around for the source of the laugh. He saw Eddie and Quelle dancing, their arms tight around each other; they barely moved side to side let alone really dancing. He saw Bob over by the refreshment table, smiling and bobbing his head to the music (which meant he must have already gone and made sure the doors were blocked so that no one could leave.) Archie sat next to the big man on one of the metal fold out chairs looking as if he would rather be dead than here. Lastly, he spotted Crane, who was actually dancing with one of his victims, Monica, who was laughing at something he said, or she was under the influence of the laughing venom--or both. Poor girl was going to be scarred for life once Crane revealed who he really was. 

But as Joker’s gaze traveled around the room, he could see that most everyone was giggling about something and a few people, such as Butch and Micheal kept snapping their heads around as if they were scared of something they thought they saw…. 

It was time! 

Giggling with anticipation, Joker took Harley’s hand and, with the enthusiasm of a child, he pulled her off the dance floor. He had to force himself not to run or skip, a difficult task because his excitement threatened to boil over. 

“It’s showtime sweets!” Joker grinned with pleasure. “You ready?” 

Harley nodded, biting her bottom lip with a grin. “Yup!” 

“Well, let’s not disappoint the audience…” Joker hurried toward Arnold and his music set up, while gesturing to Eddie and Crane as he moved. The other two men broke off from their dance partners and followed, all of them coming together at a spot just to the side of Arnold where the man could see them, but not hear their conversation. 

“How long before Batman arrives?” Joker asked Eddie who looked at the wristwatch he wore. Eddie narrowed his eyes. “Ten, maybe fifteen minutes.” 

“I can see my laughing juice is working, but the fear gas?” Joker asked Crane who smiled. 

“It’s working. If you have been observing, they are becoming jumpy…” He pointed. Joker and Harley both turned to follow his outstretched arm and finger. 

Over near the snack table, Richie kept turning one way, then the other, his gaze fixed on a shadowy corner of the room where they saw nothing, but it was clear that Richie thought he saw something in the shadowed corner. 

“Perfect! All right darlings, let’s get this party started for real!” Joker announced smiling brightly and walked over to put himself and Harley, with the others trailing, in front of Arnold and his little music set up. 

“Arnold, do you mind turning the music down? I have an announcement I would like to make.” Joker gave Arnold one of his most charming smiles. 

Arnold frowned slightly, but a giggle bubbled up surprising the short man before he cleared his throat and asked, “Everything okay?” 

“Yes, yes. My wife and I just have an announcement that is going to make everyone laugh.” Joker grinned and wrinkled his nose at the other man who looked slightly confused, but nodded and smiled. “Okay man...” Arnold turned the music off, which caused everyone in the room to look toward him, muttering in confusion about the sudden lack of music. 

Joker smiled and put his hands up. “Attention everyone...I just had a few words I wanted to say tonight.” 

Joker reached into the inner pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a make-up remover towelette from the small package that Harley had stuck in his pocket earlier for him. Reaching up Joker began to wipe the wet towelette down his face. “You see my friends, I just wanted to say a few words. Remember the other night when we were discussing the problem with all the costumed villains in Gotham and I suggested that maybe Batman is who we should be blaming?” 

Everyone affected by Joker and Harley’s laced punch was struggling not to giggle, or their eyes were darting around as Crane fear gas worked its way through their system causing their hearts to beat frantically with gradually building fear, while a couple giggled while also furtively glancing around. The members of the victims group watched as Joker wiped his face, revealing ghost white skin underneath. 

“You see my friends, Batman is just as bad as the rest of us. He flies around Gotham in his contraptions, his fancy car or his flying batwing...or whatever he calls it, instilling terror in the hearts of criminals, but he is also instilling fear in the hearts of Gotham City’s citizens.” Joker smiled while Harley reached up and carefully removed his wig, followed by pulling off the wig cap he wore underneath. Harley ran her fingers through his hair to fluff it up a bit. Joker groaned with relief. “That thing was awful!” 

Harley giggled while Joker pulled out another wipe, which Harley took from him and continued to clean off his facial makeup while he spoke. Once she was done removing the flesh colored makeup from his face, ears, eyebrows, and neck (not a perfect job granted, but Harley got enough make up off that Joker’s natural chalk white skin shone through), Harley pulled out a tube of red lipstick from between her breasts. 

Grasping Joker’s jaw, Harley turned him to face her so she could put his lipstick on. Joker grinned, letting Harley work while she picked up the thread of his speech. 

“As a psychiatrist, it is clear that Batman suffers from Antisocial Personality Disorder and he is clearly a psychopath who derives some sort of pleasure from beating up the mentally ill, criminals, and just how many innocent citizens have fallen victim to Batman’s clear disregard for the safety of others around him? Who hasn’t had a terrifying run in with Batman?” She smiled, finishing Joker’s lipstick even as their audience continued to stare and giggle, not sure what exactly was happening. Neither the full effect of the scene before them nor the fear gas had taken hold yet. 

Joker rubbed his lips together and smiled, winking at Harley who giggled with pleasure and pulled at her dress. The cloth came apart to reveal her costume underneath before she yanked her own wig off. Grinning at Harley and blowing her a kiss, Joker turned his attention back to their captive audience. 

“You see, people like me, Harley, and the other more flamboyant criminals are just a response to Batman. I mean really, he started it! He started all of this…” Joker gestured grandly, throwing his arms up into the air. “...this great game we all play is Batman’s little passion play that he has to keep playing or else he’d be forced to realize who the real enemy of Gotham is: not me, not Harley, not Scarecrow or the Riddler, but him.” Joker laughed, bringing his hands to his chest, his expression becoming mockingly sincere. “I mean truly: aren’t we all just victims of the Batman?” 

He grinned manically, showing off his perfectly straight white teeth against his blood red lips, in his pale face, his green hair curling wildly around his head. The small group began to whimper, making sounds of distress mixed with uncontrolled laughter. 

Joker began to laugh, throwing his arms out again like he was in the middle of the center ring of a circus and spinning around while the giggles began to increase in volume around them. Harley gazed at Joker with love and admiration. 

Riddler muttered. “Show-off.” 

Crane said nothing, but observed the growing tension of the assembled people. 

With a happy sigh Joker turned back to his captive audience with a smile. “Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know Harls and I aren't planning on killing any of you tonight...but it might be fun to have a scavenger hunt at some point and hunt you all down. Don’t you agree, Harley my sweets?” 

Harley giggled while she reached up and pulled her hair into pigtails. “I agree puddin.” 

“What about you guys?” Joker directed his question to Eddie and Crane. 

Crane murmured in a ghostly voice, only slightly muffled behind his mask. “That might be interesting.” 

Eddie shrugged, followed by a smile. “I’m game. If I can force them to answer riddles.” 

Richie sucked in a breath, his voice coming out in a small wheeze. From his expression, it was clear he struggled to get the words out between his building, uncontrollable laughter. “It’s--it’s him! That’s n-n-NOT A COSTUME!!!” 

Dr. Lydecker looked confused. She held her hand to her throat as if she could strangle back the giggles that kept bubbling from between her lips. “Mr. White, I thought we agreed no costumes that…” 

While Joker had been slowly revealing himself, Riddler (with the help of Quelle who had brought a few things for him in her large bag), had placed one of his green bowler hats on his head with the question mark in the front while he slipped out of his vampire jacket to replace it with one of his green question mark enhanced jackets. Crane removed his glasses, sliding them into an inside pocket of his jacket before he pulled a burlap bag from inside of his coat and tugged the burlap over his head. The sack had stitches all over it, two holes for his dark eyes, while a frown was cut into the sack and held together by stitching that made him look as if his mouth was filled with jagged teeth. Lastly Crane unfolded a worn, pointed cloth hat, and placed it on his head. Monica screamed the moment she saw Scarecrow. Crane turned his bagged face to her, his eyes staring at her, flat and dark. She screamed again, the sound high-pitched and strained before she collapsed to the floor, her head bouncing against the vinyl tile. 

Jean screamed bloody murder. “ITS THEM!! THEY’RE HERE!!” 

That was what set everyone off screaming and running for the doors. Arnold, who was still positioned behind the villains by his music DJ set up, ran, tripped and set the music playing Purple People Eater loudly in the confined space. Between the dim lights, fog machine, the music, the fear gas and the laughing juice, the Gotham Costume Victims Support Group was in a full-blown, drug induced panic. 

Joker grinned in contentment, walking closer to Harley and putting his arm around her waist watching as the victims group frantically tried to get out through the blocked door. 

“Ah, look at them pumpkin. They are having the best Halloween ever!” He cooed happily. 

Harley giggled watching as the victims group started to frantically fight each other, biting screaming, punching to try to be the first one through the blocked door as Crane’s fear gas drove them hysterical with fear and Joker’s laughing juice had them all laughing until Jess and Butch started to vomit, which caused a few others to become sick as well and set off a chain reaction. 

Snickering until he was beginning to tear up, Joker glanced at Riddler. “Time?” 

Riddler, who had wrinkled his nose in disgust when the vomiting started, looked down at his watch. “Any second now. Vomiting, really?” He turned to give Joker and Harley a disgusted look. 

Joker simply shrugged. “A happy accident. Probably a mix of laughing juice and fear gas.” 

Harley giggled and shook her head mournfully. “Some people just can’t handle their high.” 

Archie frowned, looking between Joker and Harley and the victims group. “You ain’t gonna kill any of them?” 

Bob gathered up his baking sheets he had brought the cookies on, stuffing them under his arm as he prepared to leave. 

Quelle made a face at the group and turned away with a shudder while Crane watched, his head cocked to the side, clearly fascinated by the group's intense reaction that he assumed was made worse by the fears already present in their damaged minds. 

The explosive sound of glass shattering filled the room. 

Everyone turned to see Batman and Robin leap into the room, landing in the middle of the dance floor. 

Joker clapped his hands and jumped up and down like an excited teenage girl. “You’re right on time!!” 

Harley giggled and wrapped her hands around her mouth, turning toward the victims group piled against the door and yelled at the top of her lungs. “THE BATMAN IS HERE!!” 

Everyone halted their mad clawing and fighting at the door to turn as one to see Batman and Robin in the middle of the room. The sight of the large costumed vigilante and his sidekick set off an entirely new series of screams and frantic flailing at the blocked door. 

Within the span of a single breath, Batman observed the maddened citizens and the Riddler. He just barely kept his mouth in the same firm line of anger when he saw Joker, Harley and Crane. 

He hadn’t been expecting them to be here. He usually would have picked that clue up by now, but he had been so focused on Riddler’s clues he had clearly missed something. 

Robin was the one to mutter loudly. “What are you guys doing here?” 

Joker bowed while Harley curtised. “Happy Halloween Batsy!” Joker laughed. “Welcome to our little party. That mess over there is the Gotham Costume Victims Support Group...everyone says 

“Hi!”” 

The group at the door screamed with renewed vigor, some of them yelling, screaming like their souls were being ripped from them. 

“IT’S THE BATMAN!!! THE BAT!! DON’T HURT US!!!” 

Batman scowled in surprise. 

“You’ll have to excuse them Batsy. They are all hopped up on laughing juice with just the right pinch of fear gas.” Joker kissed his fingers and flexed them out, as if he was a chef who had just discovered the perfect recipe. He and Harley snickered together with Harley adding. 

“And my puddin might have let them know that you aren’t all that nice.” 

“What have you done?” Batman growled, advancing on the four costumed criminals. 

Joker put his hand out to stop Batman while with the other he pulled a small device from the inside of his jacket. “Now, not another step Batboob...I’m armed and I’m not afraid to use it!” 

Harley giggled. “Yeah Batsy, this room has bombs all through it.” She waggled her blonde eyebrows at him. “...you gotta decide--get us, or save them.” She pointed at the victims group who had stopped clawing at the door and were now all huddled together in a vomit covered fear induced giggling group staring between Batman and the villains with equal amounts of terror. 

“So what’s it gonna be Batsy?” Joker asked with a wide grin. 

Riddler chuckled, adding. “What’s it gonna be Batman, the rock or the hard place?” 

“Yes Batman, does it frighten you to know that you cannot save them and detain us at the same time?” Crane asked in his low, creeping voice. “Even with your little helper, you are outnumbered by us, and our victims who are clearly just as terrified of you as they are us. Interesting, no?” 

“Robin, get those people out of here. I’ll take care of these four,” Batman said in his gravelly voice. 

“On it!” Robin raced over to the people at the door, but when he came closer their hysteria redoubled, the screaming reaching a fever pitch. 

Robin stopped in his tracks, his hands out. “I’m here to help…” 

* 

Batman narrowed his eyes behind his mask, his hands out from his sides ready for a fight. He just wasn’t quite sure how to disarm Joker who, judging by the smile on the clown’s and his paramour’s faces, knew that. 

“Deadman switch!” The clown waved the detonator around and giggled before he tilted his head, smiling brightly. “How’s it feel Batsy to know those people, the ones you are here to help, are terrified of you?” Joker chuckled. “Feels great doesn’t it?” He glanced at Harley. “Wouldn’t you agree sweets?” 

“If you can’t make them love you, make them fear you,” Harley said with a wink at Joker who chuckled delightedly. “Oh my little murder kitten, so cute!” He reached over with his free hand and pinched her cheek, causing Harley to giggle. 

Batman hissed. “Put the detonator down Joker…” 

“And why on earth would I do that?” Joker looked at Harley with a quizzical expression. Harley shrugged in response before he turned to look at Eddie on his other side. 

Eddie shrugged too. “I don’t know. He tries that every time, like commanding us is all it takes. When has that even worked?” Nygma turned his questioning gaze to Batman. 

“Silly Batsy.” Joker shook his head before sighing. “Well, this has been a bucket full of monkeys sort of fun, but it’s Halloween and I think I’m ready to go home and fuck my wife…” 

Harley giggled and smacked his shoulder. “Puddin!” 

“What? I do!” Joker looked nonplussed. “It’s Halloween fuckery time!” 

Archie called out. “Boss can I stay here if there’s going to be an explosion?” 

“No!” Joker responded without looking over at Archie whose shoulders drooped. “So Batsy, how do we want to play…” 

Batman pulled at batarang out and threw it in one smooth motion, Robin had moved closer to the civilians trying to calm them, but each step he took toward them sent them into another round of hysterical screaming mixed with maniacal laughter. They were hurting themselves clawing at the door and each other. Robin pondered how he could help these people without them causing serious damage to each other, themselves, and to him, but he knew he had to act quickly. 

Joker tried to dodge the batagrang at the same time Harley yelled something no one caught, but she had turned and grabbed the plastic bowl of Joker juice off the snack table and threw it at Batman. The punch, bowl, and all hit Batman in the face. The batarang hit Joker’s hand that held the detonator. Joker let out a yelp of pain as the device hit the floor and shattered. At the same time 

Bob pulled out his own detonator and hit the button. 

There was a loud explosion that threw everyone to the floor followed by the wall on the left blowing out in a burst of brick, plaster, dust and fire. Within seconds, everything that was easily burnable caught fire. 

The screaming from the Gotham Costume Victims Support Group ground at everyone’s ear as they shouted their throats raw. In their hysteria, they all turned toward the blocked door again. Harley, her ears numb from the explosion, grabbed Joker and hauled him to his feet with her and headed toward the opening in the wall made by the explosion. Eddie grabbed Quelle, while Bob grabbed Archie with one arm, holding the little man like a bag of potatoes against his hip, his cookie pans in his other hand and raced for the opening. Crane moved quickly and nimbly, and within seconds all of them were out the ragged opening just as the building groaned loudly above them. 

Batman pulled himself to his feet, shrugging off bits of plaster and shattered lumber, started to move toward the villains as if to go after them, but he heard the building groan in protest again. 

Cursing under his breath, Batman hurried over to Robin who shakily rose to his feet. 

“Let’s get these people out of here!” Batman yelled, knowing Robin’s hearing might be muffled. With the victims in a frenzied state of hysteria, it was clear he wasn’t going to be able to move them out on their own... 

Muttering to himself, Batman pulled out a pellet from his utility belt. “Be ready Robin, we are going to have to move fast, this entire building is going to collapse.” 

Robin nodded and Batman threw the pellet… 

A cloud of white smoke went up… 

* 

Outside, having run from the building, stopping once they were all around the corner, Joker wheezed with laughter. He bent over and grabbed his knees. “Did you see his face?! I wish I’d thought to bring a camera!!” He glanced over at Harley. “Make sure I always have a camera on me, will you sweets?” 

“I’ll try puddin,” Harley said with a smile hugging his arm when he stood up. 

Crane was smiling behind his mask. “Did you mean what you said about the hunt?” 

“Fuck yeah I did!” Joker laughed. “If anyone survives the building collapsing, we should definitely do a scavenger hunt! It’ll be hilarious!” 

Eddie chuckled, his arm around Quelle’s waist. “That was pretty fun, I have to admit.” 

Joker sighed with pleasure, giving Harley a lustful gaze. “Now...I wasn’t kidding about getting home…” 

Eddie cringed at Joker’s words, but he waved. “Night everyone, Happy Halloween.” 

“Yes, blessed Samhain to you all,” Crane said softly before turning and disappearing instantly into the darkness. 

“That man is creepy as hell,” Joker muttered. 

* 

Joker groaned, his breath coming in deep pants, his green hair a curly mess around his head, some of it falling across his eyes. He was lying in bed at a slight angle, his wrists bound to the headboard over his head, completely naked. Harley was on top of him, her hands pressed against his chest while she ground down on his erection. She had thrown her head back, arching her body, the pale bedroom light dancing across her silky skin. Whimpering, thrusting up to her, Joker trembled. She was beautiful and she felt so fucking good, hot, wet and damn it, the way she moved her hips! Harley cried out, thrusting and sliding against him, the wet sound of their bodies coming together mixed with her climax cries when she came had Joker struggling. He yanked on his bound wrists wanting to touch her while biting down on his bottom lip to stop himself from climaxing. When she reached behind her and grabbed his knees, arching a little more, he was nearly undone. 

It was so fucking hard to hold back as his wife presented herself to him so openly while she climaxed, her sexy cries of pleasure mixed with the sight of her...he groaned from the pleasure and the edge of exquisite pain. 

Harley straightened up, shuddering, her orgasm sending little bolts of pleasure down her spine. She pressed her fingernails into Joker’s pale chest, looking down at Joker with a glow in her light blue eyes, her blonde hair a sexy mess around her shoulders, falling down to tickle her hard nipples. She dragged her nails over his chest, rolling and thrusting her hips against him, tightening her hold on him while she ground down on him. 

Joker shuddered as he looked up at her, following the way her tongue licked over her lips, reddened from their kissing, the rosy color of her hard nipples, the way the light danced over her soft, silken skin...all of this mixed with the feeling of being inside her, the warm, wet, slickness… 

“Harley...pumpkin...pumpkin pie...” Joker jerked, his hips thrusting up, his body going stiff as his orgasm erupted from him. 

Harley gasped, another orgasm bursting through her like an explosion when she felt her lover climax. They groaned together while Harley thrust and ground down on him, riding out their shared orgasm until Joker felt he had lost the ability to speak. 

After a long moment, Harley reached up and deftly untied him. 

Joker let his arms drop with a groan. “That was the perfect way to end a glorious Halloween sweets,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around her. 

Harley snuggled her nose against his chest, brushing her lips against his smooth, porcelain white skin. “Happy Halloween puddin.” 

Joker smiled in contentment. “Happy Halloween pumpkin.” 

They were both quiet for a few moments, relaxed with each other, before Joker asked, “Do you think Bob has any of those cookies left?” 

Harley giggled kissing his chest. “There are some in the kitchen.” 

Joker wrapped his arms around Harley and rolled her over onto her back. “Last one to the kitchen is a rotten pumpkin!” He giggled, his eyes bright before he pulled away from her, hopped off the bed and took off--naked and gooey--out of the bedroom. 

Harley yelped and rolled off the bed giving chase. “You better leave me one!!” 

She could hear Joker from the kitchen. “Finder Keepers Losers Weepers!!” 

“JERK!!” She yelled back.


End file.
